“What’s your word for the year?” they asked
“No,” I said.
“You can tell us, what is it,” they continued.
“No. My word for this year is no.”
Beyond basic. Two letters, one very short, hard to misinterpret, n to the o, no. In fact, I even prayed and asked God if that was really my word. Maybe my word was the other one, the know. Four letters, even a silent letter, and that one sounded deep, mysterious. I was curious just thinking about it. But no, that one, that know, was not for. N and o, that word was for me. Little Ahyana, inner child Ahyana, the Ahyana that is sometimes three, sometimes six, but not even close to 36, pouted. Why do I need to focus on no?
Post pout, I realized I need no. I love a good yes. I love to hear it from folks, but I love saying it even more. Now, that’s not to be mistaken with me being a yes person, someone who always says yes, it’s just I know how good a yes can feel. Shucks, I even like a good maybe. That gives a girl hope. Hope for a glorious resounding bona fide yes. Insert happy dance. But no, no yes, no maybe, just a no.
Here’s what I am already learning about no, no makes room for a good yes, an honest yes, a best yes. No makes room for honoring capacity, gifts, talents, calling, timing. No makes space for alignment, agreement, and accountability. No makes room to pause, to assess, to respond instead of react, to increase integrity with your word where your yes can be yes and your no can be no, and trusted as such.
No has a way of inclining our hearts, minds, and souls to listen to our lives. To listen and see wat we need to say no not now, no not today, no not anymore, and no not ever to. It has a way of wooing us to the things we’ve ignored, that we’ve avoided, that we’ve allowed complacency to settle in. No nudges us onward when we say yes we want to have a positive relationship with food and our bodies, we want to buy a home, go back to school, heal from our trauma, run a 5K, start a business, leave a toxic relationship or work place, etc. We can’t say yes without learning to say no.
We can’t do all the things. Fortunately, we were never created or called to do all the things. But we can’t even do all of the things we were created to do without learning to say no, without wisely choosing what or who gets our yes. We can’t steward our finances, resources, time, relationships well without a no. We can’t heal, progress, grow, with the n and the o.
We’re only a few weeks into 2021 and I’ve learned to say no to
- Watching traumatizing news stories over and over again, like to deadly riot at the US Capitol
- In all fairness I am working with an amazing nutritionist who is helping me with my relationship with food and my body, because I want healthy relationships with them both. Yes to those relationships means week three of a sugar detox. And that’s sugar in all forms, perhaps save natural sugars in raw fruits, nuts, veggies.
- Shopping like I don’t a)have enough cloths and b) still have debt to decrease and bills to pay c) like I don’t want to buy a house next year d) like I don’t want to be a full time entrepreneur in the next couple of months (honestly, maybe weeks).
- To over scheduling myself and yes to utilizing my calendar to accurately assess and utilize my time.
- To acting like my prayer requests are bugging God. I don’t know about you but sometimes I am like oh that’s a big prayer request, that’s entering miracle land, you might not want to pray about that. And it’s totally not true. Nothing is too big or small to pray to God about. So I been praying bigger prayers these past couple of weeks. I will keep you posted on the outcomes.
- To trying to own what’s not for me to own. Th. Is. Hard. Especially when it involves folks you care deeply for. But the reality is, they have to own what is for them to own and I can only own what’s for me to own.
I am keeping a growing list of what I am learning about saying no and where I am seeing it is for my good, my goals, my health and wellness to say no. I will be keeping you posted on the gram and here on the blog because no, I don’t believe in not sharing lessons as they are learned. I am also keeping hope for those of you struggling with no, who can remember when your no was ignored or your no cost you and caused you pain, that you will find redemption in no this year. That you will find rest in saying no more, not today. Restoration in saying no you don’t have poor credit anymore, no you are no longer afraid to tell your truth, no you are no longer triggered like you used to be. Redemption in the growth of new things you thought you lost when you had to say no in the past.
With Love,
Grit + Grace