“It’s par for the course” I found myself whispering as I walked to the small table for two by the window at my favorite local coffee shop. I smiled as I slid into the wooden chair that was waiting for me. Smiled and stifled a laugh as I remembered mentioning the same words to client two nights before. She repeated the words to herself aloud a few times. Each time she did I nodded in affirmation. I also reminded her that the course will change, and that this was par for the course now. She smiled at that.
It was already Wednesday and I felt like it was Monday. Correction, I kind of needed it to be Monday. Either that or a unicorn of a Wednesday- one offering 48-72 hours instead the usual 24. How it was Wednesday and how I felt so behind on all that I wanted to do for the week was beyond me. I was seriously in denial about needing to take a moment and accept my week for what it has been (honestly pretty darn amazing socially), what it is (blessed Wednesday), and what I can realistically expect from the rest of it (far less completion of tasks and reassessing connecting in person with folks because the start of the week had a lot of that). In true counselor form I sat myself in that wooden chair by the window with glorious sunshine pouring in and decided denial wasn’t going to work. I was going to sip my London fog tea fixed by my favorite barista and get real about not just my week but about me. Taking a moment to be real about where I was mentally and emotionally, especially after recently returning from my retreat. My week was struggling and I was struggling. Or maybe I was struggling and thus my week was struggling? I didn’t want to struggle.
Yet, struggle is par for the course. Whether the struggle is a mountain or a mole hill, it is par for the course of life. I don’t share this flippantly, sarcastically, ignorantly, or hopelessly. When I offered those words to reassure my client who’d been experiencing a range of emotions and unexpected responses to her past sexual assault trauma, I offered them not to minimize her experiences, but as a truth she could ground herself in. That there was nothing she had recently done to invite the feelings or reactions, or more she should be doing to smite their existence. That they were real and a very real part of her current journey of processing, healing, and recovering. I offered them to help relieve the swell of resentment for their audacious presence as well as to shift energy exerted in loathing their being, fearing their influence, or being anxious they’d linger and maintain their intensity forever. When I offered those words to myself I offered them in the same vain. I offer them to you in the same vain.
We are often encouraged to fight, to resist, to go head to head, toe to toe, lace up our Nikes and just do it. Go for this, go for that, it’s all opportunity, don’t accept no, etc. etc. etc. While I think
there is absolutely a time and a place for all of that, of gathering all the gumption and grit we can muster and charge full force at whatever is in front of us presenting as a barrier to be overcome, there’s also a time and a place for accepting and addressing a current reality. Read that again. Emphasis on the entire dag on sentence. Struggle will always be apart of life ion this side of heaven, but how we struggle, we actually have something to do with that. We can struggle well.
Read that again too. One more time. Sounds like an oxy moron or maybe you’re reading that and thinking I’m a moron. But yes girl yes, we can struggle well, especially when we accept that our current reality, our current struggle is doing it’s perfectly scheduled par for the course thing.
That coffee shop, that table, that chair, that window, that sunlight, that London fog, that guy who walked in serviving as a very fiiiiinnne distraction, was not going to magically change anything about all the frustration and struggle that packed itself in my bag along with my laptop, planer, notebook, journal, post its, epi pen, lip salve, coco butter lotion, keys, and phone. But it was going to provide the physical space I needed to get into the mental and emotional space to really look at my current reality and see how I can best navigate it. It was going allow me to look at the week that remained and prioritize what really needed to get done, what could wait, and what I don’t need or want as much as I thought I did at the start of the week. It allowed me to unregister for a few local events, shift locations for a few gatherings with friends, schedule some meetings from in person to via phone to regain time from commuting. It allowed me to schedule an appointment with my therapist because a few realizations during my retreat a few weeks ago necessitated my enlisting the supportive ear of more than well meaning friends and family. It allowed me to be honest about how I leave too much margin in my life for some things and not enough for others. It allowed me to schedule a call with a friend who’s a small business consultant about planning to scale up my own business. Mhmm, Grit + Grace counseling has been steadily growing and I am beyond glad, grateful, and humbled. It’s quarter two and my little plan created at the end of last year just is not really going to support the success of my current reality. It’s all par for the course.
Whatever you are navigating, it is par for the course, and certainly par for your current course. Read that, repeat that, write it on a post it and stick it where you will see it, make it the background of your phone, frame it as an affirmation and repeat it as you brush your pearly whites. The best part? You have the grit, the grace, the ___________for your current course. Oh I know it may not seem like it. I mean I started my Wednesday at 6:15am with a wish for more time. Now when I had my tea and time with Jesus and reminded myself that this is all par for my current course, I eased into making the most of the day as it has been given and is scheduled- 18 ish hours remaining.
My prayer for you this week is that as you navigate your struggle, that you struggle well, finding peace and perspective in knowing this is all par for your current course. Allow yourself to shift, not because struggle has bullied you or demanded it of you but because you know that it is wise for you to assess and adjust and that you have the grit and grace to do so. May you muster the energy not to fight, resist, or go harder, but to stroll up to whatever your struggle is and look it in the face curiously, compassionately, committed to all that you are becoming while honoring where you are now because the now is simply par for your current course.
With Love,
Grit + Grace